Don't do too much ....

...... the "grues"

There, that’s better ….

This morning I had a mild attack of “The Grues” – this a family term for that dithery inability to settle down to anything, a dissatisfaction with oneself and the world in general.  Undoubtedly caused by insufficient sleep, or perhaps eating a lardy cake instead of having a “proper” breakfast …. they are a pale shadow of “The Horrors”.

However, underlying these rational explanations, perhaps, there is a twitchy feeling that I haven’t quite got to grips with what I’m meant to be doing at this stage of life.  Just writing “meant to be doing” makes me wince, as if I’m very late with an essay about, say, Wittgenstein (I really, really, never, ever got to grips with him – my poor Tutor), but have been painting my nails instead.  I peaked at A Level ….

An aside:  What I do know about Wittgenstein is that there is a place in Cambridge where people go to ponder his works (could it be The British Wittgenstein Society?) and can be seen wandering around in the garden behind the building dedicated to him – I know this because a child, who lived within spying distance of the garden, told me all about it and made me laugh. Apparently they looked “Quite stressed, you know?” Perhaps clutching head?

Now, as to my confusion and worry (not at Wittgenstein level, of course, because as I am easily distracted I’ve made the most delicious lemony chicken dish to have with fresh spinach and new potatoes for lunch) they seem to have been stirred up by reading (silly me) all sorts of things to do with AGING.  

So much to worry about, food, falling over, how many grams of protein per kg of weight and it is different if you are a woman, and if you happen to be a woman without a set of bathroom scales, that whole issue becomes a bothersome mystery. Also you have to work out how many grams of cooked chicken provide sufficient protein, because it will be a different number of grams of the piece of chicken you have bought raw ….. I expect you knew this.  And that is just if you are in reasonable health ….

Very important. Knowledge is power, but there is a lot of stuff written by people who are making money out of this anxiety, and they are very good at it, although they may not be sufficiently well qualified to be trustworthy.  In my opinion. There seem to be a great many faddy ideas designed to seduce one into parting with one’s resources. 

Life is both too short, and too long to spend all the time worrying about what is wrong, or what might be wrong, or what is going to go wrong (it will and by and large one will cope with it as necessary at the time), but to constantly be on guard and under siege, rather than adjusting here and there to work out what is possible is counterproductive. A very sensible (not always the case) therapist told me years ago “important things - family, look up and out, take holiday time OFF.”  Of course, I totally ignored this, being much younger and absolutely sure I knew better, even though thoroughly perplexed by life. I expect he was the age I am now, so it makes complete sense!   

I seem to have written myself out of my confusion without coming up with a solid solution to the matter of aging.  I am now quite chirpy and my immediate plan is to cook what I like to eat, and very occasionally walk about, and pretend to be dynamic (I’m good at disguising a native laziness) when necessary.  It prevents people saying things such as “I think you might be depressed” when I’m just being That Cat In “Ripley”.  God, I thought That Cat In “Ripley” was such a role model.

In the interests of balcony life I have ordered a sort of vegetable trug on legs, compost and clay pebbles for drainage as recommended by The Frenchie Gardener who caught my attention because of veg/balcony/French.  I would post a photo but they seem very blurred.  So I won’t.  You can buy a t-shirt with “Green LOVE” on it, and I might even do that.  Ordering instead of risking back injury heaving in and out of car because it will all be delivered to door!  Lateral thinking – comes with AGE.  Finally.

Obviously the trug will be full of cut and come again lettuce and underneath I can grow courgettes and it will be a riot of popping out in a nonchalant sort of way to pick a bit of this and a bit of that and wafting indoors to make salads.  When warmer, of course.  And the tomato plant – to be delivered to me by my brother at the timely (from the point of view of tomato plant handover) yearly cousinly picnic party under a tree.  Bring your own food and drink will be supplied by host.

Time to think about lunch. And I need to learn how to insert useful links for people.

I’ve just found this “Leave a comment” button - so do, if you would like, leave a comment about any of the above nonsense!